Why didn’t Anyone Tell Me?
9 unwanted advice tips I wish I'd told my younger self when I started the healing process...
If I’d know these things when I started the healing process, I’d have a lot less stories to tell. Like that time, I had a Reiki Session then went partying that night or how I’d start drinking an hour after Sweat Lodge (…ha…ha… *cringe) It probably wouldn’t have down like that, but we’ll never know. Maybe someone tried to tell me, and I just wouldn’t hear it…
2012 the Mayan calendar was ending, which a lot of people believed to mean that it was the end of world. Oh, yay the world is ending again! Cried the Millennials. For me it was true…
I won’t pull you into this rabbit hole yet because that’s not the point of this piece. So, here’s the recap:
I had started divorce proceedings. I was starting over again. I was a total train wreck, trying to piece myself back together and filled with See Red Rage. I attended my first Sweat Lodge, which was a catalyst for my healing journey BUT I also became a party kid (Burner). I tried to Spiritually heal while partying thinking it was all interwoven.
All you train wreck lovers, Stay Tuned! I will go deeper into this later *wink, wink
Maybe you’re ready for this or maybe you need to save this for later. Dealer’s choice. Either way, you’re here now so let’s get into it.
9 Tips I WISH someone would have told me:
1. Just Start:
Sometimes it can feel like you’re a day late and a dollar short, but no matter when you decide to start healing, self-doubts creep in. Maybe you’ll think you should have started sooner or that you don’t have enough time to work it all out (there’s SOOO much), or that you won’t ever catch up with others.
The healing journey isn’t about when you start, the time it takes, nor is it comparing your progress to some else’s. (This is not keeping up with the Joneses) It’s about healing.
Everyone processes at their own speeds. Sometimes your healing goes smoothly, then you’ll run into a setback. Healing is a process, and it will take time. (I say this a lot)
You’ll heal at your own rate, but it won’t ever happen if you don’t take those first steps. Just remember it’s never too late to start healing. (one stumble at a time)
2. Commit:
Go all in for yourself. You don’t need anyone’s permission to start healing but your own. We often look outside ourselves and seek the approval that we do in fact need healing. Some may even decide to heal because others need them too. (I did)
If you truly want to heal, it must be a choice you make for yourself and yourself alone.
It should be a desire that radiates within your entire being. Otherwise, you risk quitting the moment it feels like it’s “too much” or “too hard”. Or a trigger that blows you into the deep end.
3. Choose one healing practice at a time:
There are so many brilliant healing practices available. It can be tempting to try everything at once. The problem is that it can unearthing everything at once, overwhelming your body, mind, and soul.
Crippling any progress because your mind, body and soul becomes an active wire. Ready to blow the moment someone thinks of looking at you sideways.
Think of it like trying every depression medicine available at the same time. You won’t know which one is working, if they’re cancelling each other out, and you risk becoming in crisis.
Healing is similar. It’s a process it’s going to take time (yes broken record) to figure out what’s going to work for you. I recommend trying each practice for at least a month or two before switching to the next.
If you’re in crisis reach out to hotlines, medical professionals, or therapists asap!
4. Find a Healer or Light Worker with a similar backstory to yours:
They won’t have the same story as yours, but it will be similar. Similar enough to aid you in navigating your situation. They’ll have more compassion and understanding for what you’re going through. As well as have better practices and resources for you because it worked for them.
Not all healers are faced with childhood trauma, religious trauma, abuse (physical or emotional), substance abuse, loss of a child, etc.
Every Healer/Lightworker has their own challenges and those challenges shape who will receive the best guidance from that Healer.
If you were making the choice to come out and needed someone to talk to. You’d probably feel more comfortable talking to someone that’s come out. They’ll understand the hardships and successes that follow coming out. They’ll have better understanding and more resources because it was a lived experience for them.
5. Healing is not always “Good Vibes Only”, Fluffy, or Blissful, IT’S HARD WORK:
True, raw, deep healing is a spiral of SUCKAGE. You’re opening old wounds, triggers, and conditioning. (that sometimes you didn’t even know existed) That can feel like a slap in the face.
There will be moments of clarity that will make it sting a little less. There are practices and tools to assist you through these hard healings. (helping to suck less) Then the feeling of bliss and beaming joy comes after (or between) big emotional processing.
BUT there will be days where you’re huddled on the floor, snot running down your face, and a tear-stained carpet. Unfortunately, it’s a necessary process, it helps you release even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
The best advice I’ve received about crying: Tears are the first step in healing. Your tears release the emotions out of your body. Then the first thing you do when you’re finished crying is take a deep cleansing breath.
6. Give yourself permission to take the time you need, to process your emotions:
Healing is a marathon it is NOT a sprint. Healing doesn’t have a check list of “oh I looked at it so I can cross it off now.”
It’s a process (broken record) and some emotions are going to take longer to sort out than others.
Give yourself permission to work all the way through the emotions (no matter how long it takes) instead of burying them to be looked at later, because it will come back around. (and more intensely…)
Healing is a spiral and we are spiraling inward. As we heal, similar lessons will appear (almost asking “are you done with that yet?”)
If we’ve allowed ourselves to time to process the emotions, then we won’t become triggered as easily by events that are familiar to the original event. Healing deeper into the center of your spiral.
The deeper we heal the faster these lessons return. Our healing is reflected in us by how we respond to the new triggers.
Did you realize what was happening sooner?
Did you choose to respond in a different way?
Were your emotions less reactive?
Those answers hold the proof of your healing.
7. Hold Grace & Compassion for yourself:
I believe this to be the most important part of human experience, not just healing. At the end of the day, we are humans. (whether your spirit comes from another universe or not, if you’re born from human womb a part of you is human) Part of the human experience is to make mistakes.
Our culture has decided that mistakes or “failures” are not acceptable. We’ve become harsh and judgmental on ourselves as we make mistakes. But our mistakes teach us a deeper lesson. It teaches us how not to do it.
Hold the same compassion and grace for yourself as you would for a child that’s learning to walk. You don’t expect a child to walk perfectly the first time, nor do you punish them for falling. So, STOP doing that to yourself.
Let go of the expectation that you should have known, or you should have done it differently, because you can’t know until you know. (you know?!?!)
The healing journey is going to get rough. You’re going to fumble and stumble. It’s all part of the healing process.
You are perfectly imperfect and there is nothing wrong with you.
8. Allow yourself more ALONE time, to sort out what’s best for you:
Our friends’ and family’s reflections are wonderful, but only YOU know what is best for you. Our cultural conditionings have trained us to shove emotions down when we’re around our family or friends. Sometimes it’s because we can see they’re unhappy seeing our emotions, they tell us their over it, or we just feel like a burden.
Hell, the simple act of someone handing us fiscal tissue causes us to quickly clean our face and force the tears to stop.
Our friends and family can be great supports but sometimes they can be the reason we can’t heal. You don’t have to cut them out but if they’re part of your toxic spiral, time away from them opens you to deeper reflection. (without all their noise and facial expressions)
It allows you the opportunity to get to know yourself again. To see what you truly want from your healing. Instead of what they think you should want.
If your schedule is “too busy” for alone time. Start scheduling “busy” hours on your calendar that are just for you to do whatever you need. (Cry in your car, kick rocks, or scream into a canyon, yes based on real experiences.)
I’d write “me time” on my calendar. If someone wanted to make plans, I’d just tell them I was busy.
9. Create boundaries for yourself:
If you’re like I was and have no idea what a boundary is, you probably don’t know how to hold one either. (No, judgement I had zero boundaries)
Create boundaries to enforce on yourself instead of others, because we learn faster by doing for ourselves.
When learning to hold boundaries, it’s easy to cross your own because we want to help others, even at our own expense. We are kind and compassion people.
When others see us cross our boundaries, they see our boundary as flimsy. That they too are allowed to cross them.
Learning to hold yourself accountable for your boundaries makes a solid boundary line. (No one’s crossing it, not even you.) You’re learning how to hold your own, but you are also slowly building boundaries for others too.
Without you even speaking what they are. You just showing others how you treat yourself teaches them how you deserve to be treated.
Further down the line when you are stronger, you can start vocally enforcing others to respect your boundaries as needed.
Do I wish I’d known these things? Yes.
Would I actually want to start my healing journey again? Hell No.
I am thankful for everything I went through. I went through it for a reason (cliche I know) one reason was so that I could pass them along to you. After all I’m falling face first and sharing my experiences in hopes that you might only scrape your knee.
Wherever you are on your healing journey know healing is a process and it takes time. (ok I’m stop but probably not)
It’s worth all the ups & downs! Just keep going, one little step at a time. If you fall, get back up when you’re ready.
If you appreciated reading this and wanted to share the love. You could always buy me a cup of tea! - thank you!
