Why Bother? You’re Just going to quit anyways.
The echoing negativity that revealed the authenticity in quitting
You never know the words that end up echoing in your mind for years to come. Uninvited at the worst possible moments, making you question every step.
I was 26 sitting in my sister’s kitchen the first time those words entered my mind. Proudly telling my mother and sisters that I was going back to school to get my accounting degree.
Thinking they’d be thrilled that I was finally getting my act together (successfully transitioning from a gothic/punk into a corporate sale out) and that I would be following in their footsteps.
My mother looked at me with her cold eyes and scoffed “Why bother? You’re just going to quit anyways.”
No one flinched at my mother’s words. The words rang in my ears, as everyone returned to normal conversation like nothing happened. Typical Shultz family ‘don’t show emotion, don’t let them know that it shook you’.
Filled with my mother’s words I saw things clearly, nothing I would ever do could make this woman happy, proud, or excited that I was her child. I also decided not to go back to school. (Which ended up being for my highest good.)
Looking that those words now, I don’t know why they hurt so much or why it brought so much clarity. It’s like really? That cut you deep? Um, ok. It’s taken years of healing for me to be able to tell this story without having a panic attack.
Regardless, it’s another layer of conditioning formatted in my conscience, replaying at the most inappropriate moments. Like whenever I want to start anything: hobbies, creative projects, relationships, my business, podcasts, and this blog.
Every time it becomes a source of freedom and shackles.
She Raise a Quiter
It’s laughable that these words because shortly after that night, I quit the family. Because why bother?
She’d handed me the words that made me brave enough to end the toxic family relationship. It was freeing to be released from the toxic relationship, but I felt guilt, shame, and loneliness for not just suffering through it. Blood is thicker than water, your family is all you have, and all that jazz.
Her judgment on my nak of quitting was wildly confusing, as she was the one that raised me quit. Anytime I decided that hobbies, sports, music, or career paths (child actor/model) were no longer enjoyable, or I was just sick of it, she allowed me to quit. I am thankful that my mother allowed me to be done when I needed to be.
I’ve watched my friends suffer as their parents forced them to continue with the sports, hobbies, education, and musical instruments that just wasn’t fulfilling any longer. (I couldn’t understand why)
Of course, there were a few things I didn’t want to quit, but she forced me to quit anyways. Usually, it was something getting me out of church, or my queer was starting to show. (she couldn’t have that, a story to come)
I’ve thrived on quitting what no longer served me. There was so much freedom to just be done and move onto something new and exciting.
BUT her words that night creeped into every past memory of times I’d quit. All a sudden I didn’t know if I had quit because it was the right choice for me or if I had quit because I was weak and couldn’t cut it. My confidence in my decision making was shot. I drove myself mad, replaying all the events of my life. (then I got furious with my mother, that B made me quitter)
I believed I was a quitter. I accepted that I would never follow through on anything. I accepted that I would just quit when it got hard and that I couldn’t handle the challenges.
So, as any rational human would do, I overcorrected. I ended up not quitting anything I really should have jobs, relationships, drugs, and partying. *whoops
Unfolding a series of events where I was abused, manipulated, and taken advantage of. I eventually ended having substance and alcohol abuse issues. “I’m not a quitter! I quit quitting” as we’d say.
Not quitting led me to hurting those around me and rock bottoms, as I clung onto the things that were literally killing me.
Turns out there were REAL reasons why I floated to the new and exciting things:
I’m Bipolar. Instead of going on a buying spree, I go on experience sprees. Jumping into every rabbit hole that looked inviting. (at least according to my therapist, I just think I’m a jack of all trades)
I was a People Pleaser. After all the emotional and some physical abuse, I gave in. I switched to activities, education, and professions that would make them happy, even though I wasn’t.
I’m an explorer. Searching for meaning in my life. Searching for magic in life. Searching for myself.
I needed more than what their church and community could offer. I was an alternative puck rock gothic witch after all. Only my soul called me to things I didn’t understand how to get to.
Every time I got close to scratching that soul itch, someone pulled me in a different direction. The people pleaser in me was strong.
Which had me on a cycle of starting things but not seeing them through to the finish line. (that was created by others)
Born to Be Quitters
They say you shouldn’t be a quitter, but from what I’ve learned since that night in my sister’s kitchen is:
Quitting is part of my authenticity and I’m not ashamed of it. Not only was I raised to be a quitter, but I was born to be one too.
I am a Millennial. Millennials came in and said “NAH, I ain’t doing that shit…”
Millennials were born when Pluto was in Scorpio.
“Millennial’s role in life is to point out the dead things and move on.” - @Ryansasology in his video breaking down the purpose of each generation based what sign Pluto was in.
We were meant to be the quitters, cycle breakers, and pot stirrers.
Adults told us how screwed we were in life, that we needed to create our own path and in the same breath they’d tell us to continue their ways.
The old ways were dying but we tried it their way. It worked for some, others it didn’t. So, we quit. We started trying new ways that were often shot down by the older generations.
I’m not saying that other generations didn’t have a version of this, but Millennials were a generation born with the purpose of being quitters. We were inspirated by the pasted quitters, cycle breakers and pot stirrers.
We took the inspiration, our purpose, and the shifts in energy (probably influenced by Pluto) and ran with it. Preventing us from attaching to things that were outdated or dying.
We quit ideas on marriage, work, family, higher education, ideals of success, societal norms, and the American Dream. Revealing the authenticity in quitting.
Authentically quitting is looking at what is no longer serving and letting it go. It’s choosing to heal by cutting out the problem instead of suffering through it.
Challenges and obstacles are to be expected but suffering is not. When it turns into suffering, it’s time to look at it in a new way. Sometimes that means quitting. Sometimes quitting is the most healing thing you can do.
It’s important to know why you are quitting. You should question yourself.
Why am I quitting?
Will quitting be for the highest good?
It’s equally important to question yourself when you are starting.
Is this really something that I should be doing?
What could I gain from doing this?
Does this align with my life?
I’ve become well versed questioning myself. Yet, in low moments, I doubt myself. Wondering if I jumped in because I was on a manic bipolar high, or if I was running away from the challenge. I find that my mother’s question strikes, “Why bother? You’re just going to quit anyways.”
Out of peer spike to prove the importance of trying, I respond to myself.
Well mother, I bother because:
I must try.
the soul is calling for it.
there are answers that will be uncovered.
it may lead take me to the next thing.
the impossible is possible.
words I’ve offered before encouraged others on their journey in ways I couldn’t have dreamed. So, I offer them all, held in intention of serving the highest good.
I care.
And if you ask me, I think that’s a pretty good reason to bother, even if it may end with quitting.
So, thanks for stopping by mother but you are not needed in this moment.
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