Pushing Out of my Comfort Zone
“I have no idea what I’m doing”
My ancestors and guides respond with a slight chuckle, “Yes and you’re doing something that you haven’t been before.”
“I just so lost. Every choice I’m making seems blows up in my face.”
“Yes, that’s learning”
“I must be on the wrong path”
“There is no path, you’re creating it.” Rolling their eyes to each other.
“I’m failing.”
“Even you don’t believe that. What do you tell your clients, ‘You’re not failing, you’re pre-successful.”
The Scary Thing
A little over 2 months ago I did the scary thing. I packed up my life into about 4 totes, took my cat and moved out of Idaho.
Idaho was killing me, killing my soul. Those close to me could see my sparkle was fading.
I lived in Idaho for 21 years, after being forced to move there when I was 16.
I hated it, it is a desert with no moss. To me it held very little life.
In those years of living in Idaho, I had found my own ways to love it. I gained many exciting communities, found versions of myself, and tried a variety of different job and careers.
Yet, nothing seemed to stick. It all would fall away.
I’d tried to move out of Idaho many times over the last 21 years, yet something always happened, and I would end up staying.
So, when my friend and circle sister invited me and my cat to come stay with her in Canada I jumped on it.
Even without a vehicle arrangements were made to get me to Canada. It happened quickly and with ease. As a Libra I tend not to make decisions that quickly. I thought this is it, this must be the next step. This is what I’m supposed to be doing.
That thought only last until the Canada border, where we were met with a questioning border guard who didn’t like the look of me, all my things, or the face that I’m a nomad. It probably didn’t help that I looked like a Rainbow Refugee, fleeing the country after the election.
To my surprise they allowed me into Canada, but with limitations and I was only allowed to stay there for thirty days.
Heartbroken and in utter shock, we continued to my friend’s home. After looking into it there wasn’t a way to extend my visa. We were just going to have to make the best of the time we had.
There were two intentions for me staying the winter in Canada. One, to get the hell out of Idaho; and two, to help shift the energies and unlock the barriers preventing myself and my friend within our businesses.
My plan was to return to the states triumphantly, with a flowing abundant business, and enough funds to purchase myself a vehicle. That way I could travel the country with my cat to find where we wanted to live. Where my soul, Spirit, ancestors were calling us to.
Thirty days was not enough time for all that work to unfold.
Oh Canada
My time in Canada was a beautiful reprieve from being in the States, especially post-election.
Upon leaving for Canada the Warrior in me was facing a lot of guilt for leaving the Rainbow Community behind. I was left feeling like I was fleeing the states.
The ancestors whispered, “Even warriors need to leave the battle to regain their strength. You’ll be coming back stronger.”
This was hard to believe after our run in with the border guard, the limited time, and the business seeming to have less and less attention.
Once we grounded back into our bodies and let go of the need for me to extend my stay, the energy shifted and broke open.
We spent days writing, creating, and crafting. The energy within the house was bursting with creative possibilities. Days blurred into weeks.
We both were able to create plans for our individual businesses to get them flowing, and the content that we would need to create.
Messages from the Light was birthed from that energy. As was the message for the Revolution of Light.
I was gifted the ease to surrender to the role my guides and ancestors showed me the within prophecy they’d showed me as a kid. Read here
Looking back, I see how much that opened energetically while I was in Canada.
Still, I’d let myself down.
I had so much expectation for what that time was going to offer in abundance for this human world, that it’s been hard to see and appreciate the expansion of energy.
“Oh, woopie another expansion!” if only that energy expansions placed a solid roof over my head, or at the very least a drivable roof. It’s exhausting to be feeling like I’m starting over, again. I wonder how many times I will be standing in this place.
I hear the echoes of teachers, masters, ancestors, angels, and guides all collectively sighing. You know better.
And I do. But I refuse to Spiritually Bypass myself.
It’s Not Good Vibes Only
This Light Work, this Path, this trail blazing fucking can suck sometimes. We are navigating some of the Darkest moments, in this Human Experience. We are going to places that others do not have the strength to go. We do this all while trying to hold Light, Grace and Compassion for ourselves and others. BUT:
Grace isn’t always graceful.
Compassion can be a struggle to find.
Ease isn’t always easy.
Going with the flow can be rocky.
Manifestation takes trial and error.
Blindly following you path means you might hit and trip over things.
Befriending your shadow allows darkness to surround you.
Taking a leap of faith sometimes feels like you’re falling for quite a while.
And it can feel never ending, that you’ll never catch a break.
You’ll have trials that bring you to your knees.
Though, you are allowed to have emotions behind through all of it. You’re allowed moments of doubts, sadness, pain, sorrow and grief.
And guess what?
So am I.
The important thing to remember is not to be consumed by these moments of Darkness.
People like to think that Healers, Light Workers, and Light Walkers must be Light, fluffy and kumbaya 100 per cent of the time. Some Healers and Light Workers will even tell you that.
That is Spiritual Bypassing.
We must stop Spiritual Bypassing each other and ourselves.
Even though I’m having a pity moment, in the back of my mind there’s still a running narrative that understands, sees, and resonates with why this is all happening. I see the full perspective of why things are unfolding this way.
Regardless of my knowing, I must honor the part of me that is dying from the sheer complexity of living in a constructed world that the patriarchy created. I still need to play by some of those rules.
I still need the constructed reality of the dollar to pay my phone bill, for food, a vehicle, utilities and other items that aren’t always available through energy trades.
That’s when the overwhelm sets in and I throw myself a pity party.
Sometimes I don’t know how these things will be accomplished, during a time where everyone seems to be facing these questions. Especially if they’ve stepped on the path of owning their own business.
How do you get seen? When you can’t pay to be seen?
I feel these emotions, I process them, and I let them go. Sometimes I have multiple pity parties over it, until it’s gone.
That’s what I’m sitting with, on this cliff of the unknown. Lost and a little afraid that I made all the wrong moves.
Now What…
The question I’ve been sitting with is what to do now.
I’m lucky enough to have an amazing circle of women that are gracefully giving me places to land. Places to pause and reflect on what my next moves will be. Which in itself, is a scary thing for me. Reyling on the people. It’s not something that I’ve had the comfort to do in my life.
Though it is uncomfortable, I know that it’s an important and healing experience for me.
We can not grow in our comfort zones. My comfort zone has been my hyper independence, but that’s been stripped away from me now. In the end I know I’ll hold so much gratitude for it for this lesson.
Until then, “Buck Up Buttercup, it’s going to get weird.”
This message has been on repeat for the last two months. Which I took as a statement for the human collective. I just hadn’t realized it was also for my personal story.
All I can do is keep showing up, keep owning my story, and keep walking this path. At this point what else do I have to lose? Looking into the future, I don’t fear what’s to come. I’m embracing it, while letting go to any attachment of the ending.
I’ll work and prepare for my next landing point, allowing what needs to unfold, to unfold in Divine Timing. The positive and the negative.
Because the battle of Light and Dark is waging on, we know the Light is winning but we really don’t know where our fates will land.
Even though I don’t know what I’m doing or how to do it, I will buckle up. Sending my story and the Light Messages into the world. Regardless of the response because, it’s the one thing I know I am to be doing.
If this resonated with you and you’d like to share some gratitude for my vulnerabilitu, you could always buy me a cup of tea. - Thank you!
Own It! Your HEALING, your POWER, your STORY! Empowering YOUR Authenticity⭐️
I offer a verity of virtual distance Intuitive Healing Sessions, Classes & Coaching 💻
Check out the complete list of healing offerings Virtual Healing Sessions.
